ramble on....

you know..staying over at where im staying now is somewhat quite an unfavorable location for jobs.
like all the companies have move to the west areas.sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks!

and whats more suckier is that damn big brother of mine dare to critisize me for being choosy in job!what the really fuck!
he came in telling me an job offer by agency,calling for several cust svc positions,with 6 weeks compulsory training.
i simply told him im not interested.judging by the 'several cust svc positions', i have an rough idea what kinda positions the company is looking up for,let alone its an agency.
and fuck!he told me off,saying im choosy,thinking that im capable and so.and that with this attitude of mine,i need at least a year to get a job,while he only need 3 months.
fuck!who the hell he thinks he is.3 months?yea..coz he probably only stay in the company for like 1 month the longest.

while over here,i have several dilemma cases to knock on my own..that fucker just rubs salt to it.

i know its very rude of me to cuss my own brother like this,but i have been tolerating him for like...the longest time.

i very much wanna turn to jason for some advices right now,but guess he isnt very free...besides..perhaps i have to stand on my own.

anyway i went to the interview mentioned earlier on.as speculated,it was 'That CD shop'.
now that is one shop i would LOVE to be in.plus the pay is delicious.imagine $1800 per month,plus incentives and so.
although its long hours,working on weekends and public hols.but its a 5 days work week,which made it possible for me to teach tuition anyway.
it was not so much of an interview.i just went there,fill in the form and sat down to listen to the beautiful lady breifing me the job description..ta da..end.
um..i would love to get that though.wonderful place..i love those kinda music they played there.
hope to hear from them by monday...now..God..please!grant me a favour...

say..if i got that job..other than the retail working hours that is an minus pt,but..again..i dun have to be in a sickening office.i get the music i love.i get that kinda money thats enough to give at least $200 allowances to my parents monthly.i still get to teach tuition on my 2 off weekdays.
sigh...i dunno..God,please?

i have casually run through my list of companies that called me down for interviews and so on since June.
make that 16 companies.
2 failed.
2 no news yet.
2 got rejected by yours truely.
2 that i did not turn up for.
1 pending.well..thats the CD shop
2 duno wanna go or not.unfavorable locations.
1 yet to go.

umm..im thinking abt the 2 unfavorable locations.one is at Bt Merah..well..thats the one calling for a Marketing Executive,just a outdoor sales person.and its not really of my interest and perhaps..calibre,i deem.
the other is HR asst working at Changi Airport.
well..it could have been a gd learning pt for HR,if not for it is only a 12 mths contract.
it seems from their tone on the phone today that it is strictly a year contract only.

should i spend 12 months earning $1300,before CPF.that means i have to start from scratch when the contract ends?oh god..

now that i put it down in words..i think its a battle b/w planning for the long term and the short term.

i do not want to do things for the short term..but my current needs need to be fulfil fast.i cant like..drag it on and on,like now im doing.
but the calling for the long term does not come immediately.like im forever put on list,waiting to be hired or not.
each day is much important to me.
i dun wanna sit by day after day...feeling useless and really,i havent been getting a decent night of sleep.

i sleep lightly with the thoughts of looking for work hanging on my mind.i woke up feeling heavy,that another day of hunting has to begin.i went to sleep feeling rather sad..that another day of my life ended,and feel that i did nothing.
i feel really...tired,gg for interviews after interviews..when really those are not the jobs i wanted to do in life,but i have no choice.
i feel really..upset that my life is to be stereotyped,when that is what i hated most.
i wish that there is one thing that im doing outta pure interest.

like Jason went for training coz soccer is like one part of him.he went for elken coz elken fits to his beliefs and philosophy of doing sales or so.

i never persue diploma in Biz mgmt coz i like it.i never choose to major in HR coz that is where i wanna head.i never look for the jobs that i do now coz i wanna see myself working in those lines.
so far in this life...i have yet to rem doing something or gg way up to get that something becoz i like.

i study for my parents coz i want them to have a child to at least produces decent grades in school.the only reason that im pushing myself to get a job is becoz i want my parents to stop worrying for them,and that it would be my turn to give them allowances and so.

was i happy?
no wonder i cant remember smiling from the heart even when my grades are pretty alright.no wonder i have to laugh at myself thinking my interviews and so called inspirations are so fake.

but i cant stop at where i am,can i?my shoulders feel so heavy..alot of times i feel comforted that my father said he dun want to pressurise me.but that just prompts me not to stop at where i am.

but i am not happy..mich is not happy since young.she never gets what she really wanted in her heart..but has to go on.

at least..for me...jason is here.he encourages me alot,tries to keep me on the sun.
i know staying on the low will only waste my life.staying here,being sad,thinking of what i cant have and so on..is more life awasting.

so no matter what kinda shit hole i am in,i know im never in the shitiest hole of all.and i know only by taking things in my stride and move on,i will eventually move on.
maybe to another kinda shit hole..but i dun think it will be as shity as the previous one.
haha..what shit?

nevertheless...im still very much looking fwd to 'That CD shop' calling.was a regret that i did not ask much questions,but again..it wasnt much an interview.

oh God..i cannot stuck at this point forever.i need to board a ship already and move on.pls...help me,pls??